Kendrick Lamar Might Not Be A Tool And His Music Changed My Life

From an alternate universe in which rappers openly embrace poetry and art--as opposed to applying the  concept of buffoonery in rhyming ass with stacks--Kendrick Lamar ascended, or rather descended to our earth with an aim to purify mainstream hip-hop music down to its artistic essence. Kendrick Lamar is the first rapper, in my opinion since Mr. Nasir Jones, to revolutionize the forefront of the "game" that is mainstream hip-hop, quickly, by introducing his lyrical prowess and artistic concepts to an otherwise depleted music scene, and through re-hydrating the musical aspect of modern hip-hop culture by introducing poetic elements and sixth-sense sentiments in his songs.

Go ahead, listen to K-Dot's shit (because that's what cool people call him because we're cool, and because we can't enunciate long words like Kendrunk Lemur). I reiterate, listen to a few of this man's songs...Wikipedia his shit, YouTube his shit, download his songs onto your faggoty-ass Ipad and listen to his shit while you're taking a shit... 

Yes...That is what I do. I make my trips to the restroom worthwhile, because although taking a dump is a relaxing and an awakening experience, itself is not enough for me to meditate the wonders of life... I need some poetic justice while I'm letting the shit drop. So, what I do, is I load up my iPod, pull down my pants, and begin the spiritual process. Beautiful music like Lamar's makes me skip across the many dimensions of my mind and lets me climb over the inner walls enclosing my spiritual freedom. What I'm trying to say is that listening to Kendrick Lamar's music while taking a larger-than-life dump has changed my life.

Ghandi who. // via commons.wikimedia.org

Because during the special time I'm releasing a monstrous poop, I need to gain new wisdom that will help uplift my soul. As I drop the poop in the hole, the amazing experience of it is highlighted, and the grotesque nature of such a natural occurrence disappears and the experience becomes one with my soul...

The first step to enlightenment.

// via flickr--epSos.de

That, my friends, is what Kendrick Lamar's music does to me..

It makes my dumps a little less smelly. A lot more spiritual. A heckuva lot more artistic.

I take dumps on paper too. via Source

 I hope by now you've convinced yourself to listen to K-Christ's music and rejuvenated yourself in a overdose of Kendrick Lamar musical therapy; and as you and your hipster roommate jizz your underwear in awe of this short fucker's style, please swag yourself out to this yolo shit right here...and lemme tell ya buddy, hip-hop in this day and age isn't supposed to be this good...


 POETIC JUSTICE

 

If you want something that is really going to make your panties flip inside out, check this stupid (literally) shit out, as apparently, the less sense a song makes, the wetter your brief's linings get. Here's one of Lamar's worst songs...

AND...THE RECIPE TO A WACK ASS FUCKING SONG: MAKE THE MAIN INGREDIENT SMOKING WEED. THANK YOU...wiz khalifa...You ruined hip hop. You piece of shit stoner whore.  God, I get too lazy to turn off the caps lock sometimes...

In conclusion, as the writer of this piece, I must tell you that my semen contains chemicals that can poison your inners. That, precisely, is the reason I disregard blowjobs. Now turn around, bitches. And don't kill my vibe.

I Love Myself

I capitalize every word in titles. Why? 'Cus I'm a f**** badass. I'm a motherfucking God. Grammar is beneath me.

In this world, there exists me and my aura, then underneath my cloud of greatness, exist all of you, looking up at my gravity-defying mega-dong. I am supernaturally powerful. The being you monotheists call God is afraid of me. I take shits on religious text. Holy water is derived from my ball sweat. I hope you get the point.

Honestly, I'm probably the most arrogant fuck on planet Earth. I'm more arrogant than that attention-whore Kanye West. More arrogant than Tom Cruise. More arrogant than that bigot Mel Gibson. More arrogant than bullshit Steve Jobs--and no, I don't give a shit if he is dead (though, a well-informed conspiracy theorist would argue he is not). That's how arrogant I am; I make arrogance into a sport. Fuck the competition. Let me tell you something you must learn to embrace, peasant: the competition eats my ass dust.

On a side note, I fucking love to curse. You fucking cunts.
 
Truthfully, I understand and I accept the fact that I've somehow acquired the attitude that I deserve to do what I want, and that I'm entitled to say what I want. In my eyes, there is no limit to the crap I can spew, and there are no positives to my personality but the self-awareness of  my twisted self-fulfilling superiority complex--this awareness which has probably developed as a result of some sort of mental dysfunction, or a brain defense against the transmutations of such an unhealthy attitude. Okay, okay...I am now done talking about how great I am; so, let's get to the point...

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Me>You.

Above: My bitch. 

Source

Thanks for reading.

Every Day I Fight With "SAD"

Photo by juliejordanscott via flickr.com

"SAD", or social anxiety disorder, is an anxiety disorder that "makes you" dreadfully fear people. That's right, a phobia of people. I fear people. I fear what they think about me. I fear what they say about me. I fear being in the presence of people.

Social anxiety doesn't make much sense even to us that suffer from it. It's shocking to me how much of a grab this disorder has on my life. I can barely think, or write for that matter. As I'm writing this post I'm afraid I'm not using proper grammar, I'm afraid someone's going to find out "who I am" in the real world, plus I'm afraid I'll look crazy to my readers, if I even have or will ever have any (I could go on and on...). I assume most of us social phobics (social phobia is another term for social anxiety disorder) feel the same way. We're afraid of everything.  We over-analyze everything. It's almost comical, but it's really not. Not to us.

Every day is a battle for us social phobics. We can never have the freedom from our minds. A social phobic's dream is being able to "be one's self". Besides the fact we can't think properly or that we're mentally ill, we're really not that messed up. We want to live. Oh boy do we want to live. We crave socializing. We crave and want what others have socially. We envy.

But of course, we face the war of social anxiety, and the battles we never win. My goal with this blog is to gather not only social phobics, but anyone else who's suffering from a certain pain; whether it be mental illness, the loss of a loved one, your failure to succeed in something, or even financial problems...

I want to hear your story.